Red Letter Media talks about Bioshock Infinite
by war hippy fatigues
Summary: If you don't get it, go watch Half in the Bag.


Mike turned to Jay.

"What was up with those vigors?"

Jay didn't answer.

"Why did Columbia have a whole vigor business, even though like only two enemies ever used them? If vigors were based on plasmids, why weren't there a bunch of people addicting to them and suffering from side effects, like there were in Rapture? Were they just really unpopular for some reason? You'd think that giving people the power to manipulate reality with their hands would be a pretty fucking good selling point."

"When Elizabeth opened that tear to future Paris, why didn't she just leave? She had a painting of the Eiffel Tower in her room, so she had obviously seen the place before. Why didn't she leave when she had the chance instead of just waiting there for no reason?"

"When Booker sees that he has the mark on his hand that Columbia was warned about, why does he continue going forward while making no attempt to hide it? Why does no one notice the mark until he goes to the raffle? Why does Booker enter the raffle after being explicitly warned not to? That seems really stupid to me."

"Why does Booker insist on getting a high class airship to take Elizabeth to Paris or New York or whatever? Later in the game, he says they could take one of the smaller flying things there instead; you know, the small little boat things they had been riding around on for the entire game? Why couldn't they have just taken one of those to instead?"

"When they go to Chen Lin's gun store, and see how big all the tools that he uses to make guns must be, why do they think they'd be able to carry them back there from the police station? Did they forget to use their brains or something?"

"If being dead in an alternate universe makes you go crazy, then why isn't everyone crazy from being dead in an alternate universe?"

"If Columbia is an incredibly racist and backwards society, why do they let women serve in the police force?"

"Why is it that you can only carry two guns at a time, yet you can still upgrade and pick up ammo for guns that you don't have? Why can you only buy ammo but not the actual guns in vending machines? Why would they give a bunch of different guns but expect you to only use two at a time? Why would they want you to constantly switch between guns if you only wanted to use the ones that you upgraded?"

"Why does giving the Vox Populi access to one gunsmith change the whole timeline to one where they overthrow the government? If all they needed was the amount of guns a 20th century factory can make in a week, you'd think they would have just fucking stole them or something."

"Why is it that half the vigors do the same thing? You have the crows vigor, which stuns and damages multiple enemies, the fire vigor, which stuns and damages multiple enemies, the bucking bronco vigor, which stuns and damages multiple enemies, and the electric vigor, which stuns and damages an enemy and can be upgraded to stun and damage multiple enemies. That seems really fucking boring to me."

"If Elizabeth spent her whole life living in a science laboratory where she was studied and exploited, why does she act like a happy and upbeat princess when she gets let outside? You'd think that a lady who spent her whole life in that kind of environment would grow up to be antisocial and afraid of people."

"Why does Columbia pose a huge threat to the world in the future? You'd think the modern US air force would blow that shit out of the sky the moment they caught wind of it. I mean, have you seen what a sidewinder missile does to people?"

"What happened to the alternate ammo types from Bioshock 1? What about the hacking minigame? What about being able to hold multiple first aid kits? What about having multiple currencies for upgrading your character? What happened to the non linear levels?"

"Why do you get to control Songbird at the end of the game? I thought he was being set up as a boss fight. I thought fighting Songbird would be more exciting then pressing a button to make him blow up stuff offscreen."

"Why does getting a baptism give Booker the means to fund building an entire city in the sky and getting a bunch of people to live there with him? That sounds really fucking expensive for one random ex detective to pay for."

"Why does Elizabeth drowning Booker before the baptism stop all variations of Comstock from occurring? What if Booker got a baptism the next day? What if he just decided to build Columbia anyway?"

"If the timeline was splitting before the baptism, because of those weird twins, why is there only one timeline where Booker gets a baptism? Wouldn't there be at least two, one for each of the Luteces? "

"Why does Elizabeth think stopping Comstock from existing will solve all her problems? Her dad is still a drunk asshole. What if there was a timeline where he sold his daughter to a prostitution ring to pay off his gambling debts instead of selling her to himself? Would Elizabeth have to prevent Booker from conceiving her in order to truly free herself?"

"What if there were timelines where Comstock wasn't an asshole? What if Elizabeth preventing those from happening was a bad thing?"

"If Elizabeth drowns Booker to prevent Comstock from existing, wouldn't that cause a time paradox?"

Jay. who had been silent the whole time, groaned, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Just then, Mr. Plinkett walked in.

"Hey guys, I just downloaded 50 gigabytes of Elizabeth porn!" he said.


End file.
